Jamie Van Cuyk, NASDF contributor and working Mom of two
Back-to-school can be an exciting time for many kids. However, for the kids of newly divorced or separated parents, it can be a stressful time. The changes at home can add an extra layer of challenges as they walk into new classrooms, meet new people, and reconnect with old friends.
Here are some tips to help your children transition successfully into the new school year.
Ensure they have all supplies and clothes
Back-to-school time typically means new school supplies and new clothes. While divorce often changes people’s financial status, it is essential to do your best to ensure your child still has what they need to return to school fully prepared.
If you have a good co-parenting relationship, discuss with your co-parent to confirm or plan for purchasing the necessary supplies and clothing. Even if you already have an agreement on how to handle these types of expenses, you still want to make sure someone is taking the lead on purchasing the items or taking the kids shopping. Don’t just assume the other parent has the opportunity to complete these activities during their days with the kids. Communication is key and the best way to ensure there are no surprises on the morning school starts.
In other situations, partnering with your co-parent about school supplies might not be an easy task due to your relationship dynamic. In this situation, take whatever action is necessary to prioritize the kids’ needs. In some cases, this may mean taking on full financial responsibility to purchase what is needed. While it might not be fair to you as an adult to do more than your required share, it could be what’s best in the moment. Remember, your responsibility is to be there for your child and to ensure they have a successful start to the school year. Details between you and your ex can be figured out later without putting your child in the middle.
If purchasing school supplies is a financial struggle, look into local resources. Accepting outside help might feel uncomfortable after divorce if you were always able to afford things while married. However, as difficult as it may be for you to ask for help, remember that it will be even harder on your child if they show up unprepared on the first day of school while everyone else has the necessary items.
Keep Traditions
Did your family always have back-to-school traditions before your separation? If so, try to keep those alive.
Whether it’s first day of school pictures, a big breakfast, getting driven to and from school instead of taking the bus, or a special dinner or treat the night before, keep those traditions going for the kids. The traditions can create calmness and stability during a period of their life that’s full of transitions.
If your relationship dynamics allow it, continue to include the other parent in any appropriate traditions. At the same time, feel free to start creating new traditions. You can still have special moments alone with your children while incorporating traditions from the past that bring them comfort and joy.
Empower them to talk about their experience
Your divorce is a significant change for your kids, but do they feel comfortable talking about their experience?
Every child will feel differently about the need to discuss their experience with their friends. As parents, it’s essential to remember that while we are the ones who are getting or have gone through a divorce, our children are also impacted by that decision. This journey is theirs too.
It’s essential to let our kids know that they are free to discuss their experiences. Remind your kids as they head back to school that it’s up to them to decide how and when they discuss the changes in their lives with their friends and teachers. In addition, let them know that if they’re having trouble trying to figure out what to say, you’re there to support them. This support can look like helping them figure out how to discuss the situation, connecting them with therapists or counselors, or even offering to take the lead and contact their teachers or friends’ parents to share the news.
Remind your kids that they are allowed to talk about their experiences. Their friends can provide them with support on a level that you are not able to as a parent. Empower your child so they can thrive in this time of change.
A new year, new opportunities
A new school year always means change and the start of something new. This year, the changes in your household are going to add an additional layer of change for your child. Take advantage of the opportunities to support your kids and ensure they have an amazing school year starting on the first day.
